Can you hear it?

It is my past. It is my echo. The Gryphon's Echo.


Not A Bad Day
Nives Conbadge [Ragsolith]
niveswhitt
Today, despite working two shifts as opposed to my scheduled one, was quite good. Work went quite well, with little to no problems, and I got a ride home from work today as well (though that mainly had t do with because I'd forgotten my jacket at home, and really didn't want to have to walk back home with nothing but a short sleeve shirt).

I got home not too long ago feeling really good. I took a shower after eating a light supper, and am still feeling really good. Yay!

I thought of doing something really cool while I was at work. I've always wanted to write out a story, but never really thought of any way other than just working on a book version. However, while working, I had a slight lapse into a fantasy mindset while working that sparked an idea. It was simply "I wonder what things would be like if I were a mage, or discovered magic powers right now. I wonder how I would describe that in my LJ". Then it hit me... I could do a story just like that, using LJ as a way to tell it, one journal entry at a time. More on that later though.

At the moment, I am not too sure what I am going to be doing. I need to do one of a bunch of things, and again, I'm not too sure what of those I want to do.

I do know that I want to play Halo. Listening to this OST isn't helping with that... but man do I love the music.

I Know These People ovO!
Nives Conbadge [Ragsolith]
niveswhitt
I am actually looking at my friend's page! Whoa...

It's been a while too long, I think. I'm just stating this, because it feels nice to start doing something I used to love doing. Sometime soon I will need to go thorough my friend's list and figure out what to do with that.

Someday I will need to go through my bio adn interests and update them too.

AND AT SOME POINT AND TIME I OUGHT TO GET TO SLEEP, BECAUSE I GO TO WORK IN 7 HOURS!!

AHHHH!

I'm having a pleasant night ^^

Mixed Feelings
Nives Conbadge [Ragsolith]
niveswhitt
I'm feeling a little odd right now, so I want to write some stuff down, to maybe make some sense out of these feelings. I have to be at work in less than seven hours, but I'm still up only because I got a hell of a lot of sleep last night. I just want to write this out before doing... something(?) and then going to sleep.

I kinda feel like I'm in a "Get shit done" mood... but know I can't; it's too late. I tried pulling out my notebook and papers to try and work on my fursona, but kept getting distracted but FF7 being played.

I also feel like I need to go through my collected image achieves and sift through and update them. It's just a small feeling though, so nothing really on that.

I do still need to write an email to my father, but he can wait.

I need to write a letter to Tsumina... and that can't wait because she is just so cool.

I would like to get back into UO, though I am not too sure why. I just really liked that game, and I think I still do.

Oh... organizing my room is on my mind. Clothes are everywhere on the floor, and I need to pick them up and start cleaning it. Nothing big, but I just like things to look orderly.

Everything should be a bit easier to get done now that Kylie is gone. Already the tension in the air has thinned drastically, and it seems everybody feels freer to be themselves. Funny how one person can cause so much grief. One thing though that I still need to act on is the strong possibility that if Gyre does not get the money to pay for what needs paying, we are going to lose the apartment. I really need to focus on creating a bailout plan, though I'm not all too worried about that. Things have worked for me in the past, and I think that perhaps they will continue to.

Maybe I should start condensing everything I have to just what I can travel with, until I can find my true home. At least that way, I will never have to worry about bringing everything with me; I would have so little that it would not be a problem. (Concluding Thought: Yea, I think that's what I am going to do. I need to start selling my stuff and "Live out of a suitcase" albeit a large case.

Hmm... instead of understanding my jumbled thoughts, it seems as though I have just cleared my head instead. Weird. I wish I had a PDA that I could write everything down in. Or some sort of very easy to carry notepad that I could write down my thoughts in. Unfortunately I find full sheets of ruled paper to be the most useful because of it size, I may need to try something else. I wish my phone had a memo program at least. Perhaps I'll just start texting to my email.

EDIT: I have pretty much figured out, that there are only certain times when having something to record my flash of thoughts would be useful. There are times when I analyze my own thoughts, seeing how they affect me and what I need to do about them. When this happens, all thoughts come in as quick and demand attention, no matter what they are. Simply words and phrases are all that's needed to summarize and remind myself of what these thoughts are. Something to record these thoughts on would just be used to organize and indeed keep a record of my thoughts, so I can go back over them at later times.

While not vitally important, I think I could more quickly and better understand who I am, what I want, what I need, and learn a way to organize my thoughts. Perhaps what I am doing in recording myself this way, and on paper, is the only way to organize my thoughts. Inconvenient, but still very affective.

I'm happy though, being able to do this. It really is relaxing and so very helpful both on mental and emotional levels to not just record my thoughts for future reference, but simply finding a way to
say what's on my mind. It makes it feel like my thoughts are free to flow in a more open space than just my mind, and that in turn allows me to better see just what I am thinking. It relieves the pressure of all my many fast moving thoughts by giving them space to move and form in.

Blah, now I'm just blabbing on... though this blurb did help to give me some insight. At least my methods personally work ^^

In stability
Nives Conbadge [Ragsolith]
niveswhitt
Things haven't changed all too much up till now really. Things for me have gotten batter, and for all of us things have been both good and bad.

I got off today from work because there was supposed to be furry meetup we were going to go to this afternoon, but it never happened. Instead I ended up sleeping until 19:00. I don't know how I did it. Right now it's just me and Faussie relaxing, with Serena and Gyre spending time together.

Just this morning, Kylie left to go like in Illinois, and already there is more peace, and stress is a little less. We'll fully see the effects of here leave, I think, after Serena and Gyre get home, but until then, things are kinda nice.

We might be in a bit of a bind, either way, at home though. We may not be able to pay what we need to actually stay in these apartments. Simply said, we are looking for bail-out plans, and I currently do not have one.

I need to start looking for an escape plan just in case, though I personally believe that there is no way we are going to be able to stay here. It worries me a bit, though it'll be a bit easier to search for such a plan at this point for me.

I've also come to terms with the fact that I am indeed alone in this house. Maybe that will change with Kylie gone, though I don't expect so. Everyone kinda has there own things going on with each other, and I am just not the kinda person to be part of it. It's just the focus on BDSM that I am not going to be a part of. As long as I keep in mind though that I am not part of this, then I really am content being here, rather than trying and failing at being part of this inside group.

On my father, I am not too sure what's going on there. Perhaps I had been too pessimistic about the whole situation, but nevertheless, I've made up my mind on what will happen. I've decided that instead of me trying to fix the situation through whatever means, I am going to let him choose what happens, since it was his choice to turn on me in the first place. I've decided, that until he apologizes for everything he had done that night, that I will have nothing to do with him; only when he is willing to apologize would he have the mindset that what he did was wrong. I have accepted the lose right now, and am content with having nothing to do with him if he wants to do this to me. Family is not in blood.

Blah, I find it hard to focus on writing while watching Faussie play FF7.
~Nives

Just Some Thoughts
Nives Conbadge [Ragsolith]
niveswhitt
Nothing much different really. Got to go to work in a bit. It's starting to get cold around here.

Work isn't really that bad compared to Firehouse Subs. It isn't nearly as stressful, and it leaves me room to relax every once in a while, and I can do so without worrying about my manager jumping down my throat. I will admit though, even with that, I dislike only getting payed so little.

Home stress is still there. I still feel rather alone in this house, but I'm starting to cope with it better. I'm talking to other friends often, so that is helping. I just wish I could connect with my roommates the same way they are connecting with each other... but I am not into BDSM, and I know I couldn't be. I am a furry, and a lifestyler; that is my thing.

I'm thinking of starting my search for a way out. I'm not so pitiful as to say I can't handle all this... but this all sure isn't for me. Nothing here really suits me. I'd just rather be in a place where I do not have to put effort into making myself happy all the time.

I hope I can find a way to make things better for myself.

...I hate sounding emo...

Just Before Work
Nives Conbadge [Ragsolith]
niveswhitt
Got, like 5 minutes before I have to go in to work, Plenty of time to update

Just the usual going on. Actually read and did an exercise in the Drawing On The Right Side OF The Brain book. I feel that this time I will not be stopping as much because of the exercises like I'd done before.

Things are about normal around here. Everyone just being stressed out and trying to keep the peace, except for Kylie. I rather don't like her... and for good reason. But, hopefully either she will start to change for everyone's better, or just leave. I would prefer the second choice... but whatever.

Working on my fursona, and having different ideas on what to do with him. I am quite happy to be doing this again, especially now that I am not under parental stress and tension while doing this. I feel like I can just focus on nothing but that when I want to, though doing it in a peaceful and restful environment is near impossible. Nothing I am upset about, but it just means that I will have to get used to it. I don't like doing these things alone, so I sit be everyone in the living room while doing them, despite a lack of peace.

Off to work now
~Nives FeraSpirytus

Delving Into My Own Mind
Nives Conbadge [Ragsolith]
niveswhitt
Slowly I'm starting to understand myself and the way I work. It's something that I have never really done before, but now that I am, I am quickly beginning to understand what makes me tick. The good thing about this is that if I know how I work, then I can better control myself in bad situations, or take and use the best of myself. I also find it rather fascinating.

After what happened just a few days ago, I really am starting to feel much better. I am better able to focus on the things that I want to do, and and slowly getting over my procrastination habits, though I am still struggling with staying focused on something for an extended period of time.

I have been reworking my fursona reference and and going to be changing it to something I like better. I am going to need to read and finish the book Drawing On The Right Side OF The Brain which I never did finish. At least this time I have someone who is going to be reading and pushing me to read it as well. Once I learn how to draw, I will be able to finish my reference completely.

However it is going to be a little difficult for me, considering I am living with 4 other people, and the only way I can really focus on something when the household is being restless is when I put 100% of my attention into what I am doing. Still, there are times when I can get some peace, though complete daytime peace is very near impossible to get these days.

Blah... we need an outside table, like the ones that you find outside restaurants. There is a Starbucks near me that has a setup like that, and I enjoy jut sitting and lounging around outside the store. Just... something about really relaxes me... especially, I think, with the lack of peace that is now prevalent around the house.

Focus, consentration, peace. I'm slowly finding and trying to find these around here. But, I'm still being optimistic about what all is happening with me. It makes me feel alive...

~Nives FeraSpirytus

In The Past
Nives Conbadge [Ragsolith]
niveswhitt
Oh, if only my friends back in High School knew just what kind of person I was. I wonder how I would have gotten through school, if I was the same way I am now.

A Day's Conclusion
Nives Conbadge [Ragsolith]
niveswhitt
Hew... well today wasn't so bad. I went to work at Outback, and had a rather good time. The difference between working there and at my previous workplace at Firehouse Subs is incredible to me. I stayed on my feet the entire time without a problem, but I think that if I end up waking up with me legs feeling this tired, I'll need to find another way to get to Outback besides walking the two miles there and back. Meh, at least I have a good job though. No word on Starbucks or Sonic unfortunately, but I'ma go bug them tomorrow before I go to Outback.

Right now, I'm not doing too much more than just playing with my LJ journal setup and look, trying to make it look nice. I've decided to keep the same style, and just try out different colors. Also, I'm changing my background to a really cool looking pic I found online some time ago. I found that playing with the RBG levels with this pic yields some awesome looking variants of the original.

Heh, if you read this journal, and feel like wasting a couple minutes, just keep refreshing the page and you will see me changing the color and background often to try and find the right look.

Let's Go To Outback Tonight...
Nives Conbadge [Ragsolith]
niveswhitt
Starting work in a few hours... and a bit nervous.

Okay, so I am very nervous, but who isn't when they go into a job that they don't know how to do yet? My fears are probably unfounded, but I just hope I can learn what I need to in the time provided. I also hope that I can get my second job at most by the end of this week. I really would like to work at Starbucks; I love coffee ^^

Anyways, I am going to have to wait out a bit, because my original plans for pre-work aren't going to work out like I'd thought. Hopefully I can get what I'd need to get done, done.

?

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